C281 Leave
C281 Leave
Lying in my warm bed, I thought of Dong Xue who was somewhere else. The storm was still raging outside, and she was alone. Where had she gone?
I didn't feel sleepy at all. I wanted to smoke a cigarette in the living room. I got up and opened the closet to get my pajamas. When I opened the closet, I was stunned. Dong Xue's clothes had all been taken away!
I looked around and saw that Dong Xue's suitcase was also gone.
Dong Xue brought the case with her and left, taking all of my clothes with her. Could it be that she left the Hsinghai?
It suddenly occurred to me that I should go to the train station to see if Dong Xue had gone there!
At the thought of this, I dressed in a hurry, intending to go straight to the train station.
Just as he was about to leave the bedroom, he casually glanced at the dressing table and suddenly noticed something in front of the mirror. Upon closer inspection, there were two bank cards, and underneath them were a few sheets of paper filled with words.
I picked up the bank card and saw that one was my salary card and the other was the card from Ningzhou Bank that I had set up. It contained the 500 thousand that Lee Shun gave me and was kept by Dong Xue for me.
What did Dong Xue mean by leaving her bank card here? What did she write? I quickly picked up the letter and started to read:
"Ke, when I was writing this letter to you, you fell asleep in the living room. You are asleep, snoring against the back of the sofa, I know, you are tired, you are tired, your body is tired, your heart is tired! I'm not sleepy. I'm writing you this letter.
This is the first time in my life that I have been beaten by a man, and also the first time in my life that you have beaten a woman. Look, this is the first time in our lives that we have all realized this, countless times in our lives, and tonight, we all have this same time. "
Seeing this, I felt a little ashamed and ashamed. I took the note to the sofa in the living room and sat down. Then I lit a cigarette and continued reading.
"When you saw this letter, I had already left your room. Wherever I go, you don't need to worry about me. You don't need to look for me either. I'm not a child. I know where I should leave from, and I know where I should go! At this moment, I thought about it. Although what happened tonight seemed like a coincidence, it was definitely an explosive event that would happen sooner or later. It was just that there was a lack of a suitable fuse.
Tonight, both you and I have been drinking. Our words and actions are somewhat impulsive. Perhaps, we need to be calm! I know that your whereabouts tonight is not that I'm following you. I don't have that silly hobby, but, coincidentally, I met you, and you, of course, didn't see me!
When I said what Qiu Tong said tonight, I admit that I was rude, I was too rash, I was too rash, I was too impulsive, I shouldn't judge others behind their backs, maybe I shouldn't believe others' words, maybe she wasn't really that kind of person. So, here, I apologize to Qiu Tong.
Apologizing to Qiu Tong didn't mean that I would admit my wrongs to you. In this matter, I don't need to apologize to you. What do you think? What does my evaluation of Qiu Tong have to do with you, Yi Ke? What right do you, Yi Ke, have to do anything to me just because of a few words I said to Qiu Tong? What kind of relationship did you have with her that you would suddenly become so angry and impulsive over those few words?
I don't know, because I don't have any real evidence to prove it. I don't know, you know, she knows, God knows, she knows! However, I don't want to prove that these things belong to you. What should belong to you is, what shouldn't belong to you.
As I read these words, I suddenly felt guilty, guilty of being a thief.
I continued to read.
"Ke, the reason I'm leaving is not because you hit me with Qiu Tong's words, but because of the words that came out of your mouth when you were mad. I believe that those words have been stuck in your heart for a long time, and are the true thoughts that you wanted to say but didn't want to say.
At one point, we both thought that we knew each other very well. At one point, we thought that there was no distance between us, at one time, we thought that we had already formed a bond in our hearts, but after a disaster, after nine months of separation, we met again. Suddenly, we felt that we were still very close, but also seemed very far away …
We have always felt that some compromise, some tolerance, some happiness. But the lower your bottom line, the lower you get! Isn't it? The cruelest sentence in this world is not to apologize, nor is it that I hate you. Rather, it is that we will never be able to go back. The most taboo thing in love is that both of them dream about each other's future, but they also think about each other's past.
The nine months we were separated from each other was a knot in your heart. It was a knot in your heart that couldn't be freed from the deep entanglement. It was a knot in my heart that I couldn't prove that I could only let nature take its course. I know, although you don't ask me what happened in those nine months, but that doesn't mean you don't want to.
You try to act magnanimous and unconcerned, as if you are trying to erase that page of your past, as if you think that what happened in those nine months was too much for you to accept, so you let yourself suffer from the pain of accepting the reality of your subjective imagination and of your conclusion, and then you are tormented by what you have figured out.
You don't dare to ask me, you don't even dare to ask me to say it out loud, why? Because you fear, because you do not dare to face reality, because you have always been running away, because you have always been deceiving yourself, because your heart has never let go! In the past nine months, I have drunk countless times, but finally woke up. I was walking, but I couldn't find the direction.
Meet again, I want to give you happiness, try to please you in all kinds of ways, including I in bed and you everything, but suddenly feel, I can no longer walk into your world. I want to trade my efforts for an admission ticket to your world, but that's just wishful thinking on my part. My world, you seem to be unable to enter; your world, I seem to have been expelled. I still love you. I closed my eyes, thinking that I can forget about it. However, the tears that I shed did not deceive me. "
My heart ached and my eyes watered.
"Ke, between us, I don't want to apologize. Apologizing doesn't mean that you are wrong, and I am right doesn't mean that I am wrong, and you are right. Sometimes it just means relative to the self. I don't want to say much about the knot in our hearts, because I know that I can't say anything more than I need to, more than I need to, make you think I'm trying to make up a lie to make you believe me.
This, after my two hints to you and your feigned ignorance, I see that you seem to have determined what happened to me during those nine months, that after what you took for granted, you accepted me, accepted me, reclaimed me, with a heart wracked with pain and hurt, with a cringe of not daring to face the past.
"Although we have always been calm on the surface, but I know that your heart has never stepped past that threshold. You didn't dare to think about it, but you couldn't help thinking about it, and you didn't dare to look at it directly, yet were unable to shake it off completely. This point, in your performance after we did that, I clearly felt that …"
Seeing this, my heart trembled.
I continued to read.
"Every time I do that, you always think that I have already entered a dream. In fact, many times, I would accompany you in slumbering, but I didn't say anything. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to disturb your space, so I didn't dare to disturb your thoughts. From your long sigh, I can hear your heart, your real inner conflict, and I think you must be struggling with what happened in those nine months. "
I heaved a long sigh. Dong Xue had guessed part of it right, but she hadn't guessed all of it.
"At this moment, I almost couldn't resist getting up and telling you everything that had happened during those nine months. But I resisted, afraid that if I told you the truth, not only would you not believe me, but you would also believe your original guess, which would only hurt you even more. Yes, no one has been able to prove what happened in those nine months except myself.
My own performance, of course, cannot dispel your conjecture, especially when we do it, and the enthusiasm I show in bed based on the passion I feel for you, based on the eagerness to approach your world, based on my own physiological instincts, may further convince you of your own assumptions and increase your suspicion. I can't explain this to you, and I can't tell you what it is.
Although I can't say it clearly, but I still have to say, I'm not a slut. If I were a lowly woman, then I would only be willing to be your lowly woman when I'm with you, do that thing with you, and be ravaged by your body. I am willing to be your lowly woman forever, to be lowly for you!
Maybe I shouldn't suspect you and Qiu Tong, because I can still feel your love for me all the time, even though it makes me feel a little different from what I did before, but I still want to believe that you still love me, and I still love you. Women in love are sensitive and suspicious. Perhaps, it is because I am too sensitive, because time and space are sensitive. Or, it is because I am too suspicious, because I am afraid of losing.
Sometimes, facing you next to him, he suddenly felt unable to speak. Sometimes, the things that the extreme fear has persisted in have changed beyond recognition at night. Sometimes, I want to indulge myself, hoping that I will go mad hysterically. Sometimes, afraid that you would suddenly tell you that I think you've changed, I start to feel all sorts of emotions. Sometimes, I feel like I own the whole world, but for a moment I feel like I have nothing.
Some people can't be together, but their hearts are together. Some people can't be together on the surface, some people can't be together, some people never want to be together, but they are together naturally. Some people finally get together and find that they aren't suitable for being together. About us, I want to say, Ke, even if in the end, we are not together, at least love, will still be together. Love together, together.
Ke, by deciding to leave, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. On the contrary, because of our love, we need to leave temporarily, we need to each have a space and practice to think alone, and we need to both face the reality and the past calmly. I don't hate you nor blame you for that slap to the face tonight. However, it will hurt me if it hits my face! "
I couldn't help but feel my face heat up again, and I felt guilty about Dong Xue.
"Ke, regarding our love, I still insist on my point of view. Material foundation determines superstructure. Without enough economic conditions, love will become empty and tasteless. People can't just talk about love on an empty stomach. I admit that I can't live in poverty, can't stand hard days, I like the carefree days of material abundance, and I'm used to living as a boss with enough money to have a car and a house to eat and drink and shop at will, and I keep even thinking about those times.
You may consider me vain, but I do not refute, I do not deny, because this is what I really think. Your salary card has been left for you, and the money from the card has been used up by me recently for buying clothes. I left that card at the Ningzhou Bank for you, and I didn't touch the money in there, it was twenty thousand dollars your mother gave you, and that money isn't yours, I can't move it! "
Seeing this, I did not know whether to laugh or to cry. I wanted to laugh, but there were no tears.
Finally, Dong Xue said: "Ke, perhaps there is a saying that makes sense: If you love a person deeply, you should learn to stop yourself, don't treat him as all, don't tell him everything, don't share all the secrets with him. I think that this temporary separation is good for both of us. Perhaps, we should both look for ourselves. Take care of your body, don't drink too much, smoke less, and don't fight with others. "